I Gets No Breaks

•February 8, 2008 • 1 Comment

So after dreaming about becomin’ the next Lady Jordan, I was told that according to 2007-2008 OUA BASKETBALL – WOMEN Rules and Regulations, “Section 3.2 states that,
A Rookie of the Year will be named in each division. The highest ranked rookie selected to the All-Star team will be named Rookie of the Year. If no Rookie All-Stars are selected, the player receiving the most votes for the All-Rookie Team will be declared the Rookie of the Year in their respective division. Note: Recipients of the OUA Rookie of Year (East/West) must be 21 years of age or under as of September 1st in the academic year in question. [Amended July 2007]

What the FUCK!

I smell a petition on the way. I mean come on, why in the hell would you make a rule like that? I’m gonna be an old ass rookie but if I kick all the other rookies’ asses, then I deserve the title of Rookie of the year, even if I am 12 years older than the average rookie. I will beat those little twiggies to the ground, I don’t give a fuck! If they kick my ass, all people are gonna say is she shouldn’t play with these kids. Well, I think it’s time for that petition to start, so that they could reverse that stupid rule they added recently.

Are ya with me? Geriatric Rookie Ballas of the world, can I get an AMEN?

Shinin’ my New Jordan XX3 for this battle!Jordan XX3


10 Eyed Creatures

•December 31, 2007 • 2 Comments

So I am sitting here today, thinking back on 2007 and I realize I need a very strong horse tranquillizer to just think back on the year’s events. What really gets me though is that once again, I am broke but I make shit loads of money. I don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs and don’t gamble. What I do have is My Mother (She is the hole in my savings Barrel). Enough said. So today, I went to the store to buy tea bags cause I was out, and I realized I picked up cereal instead. After standing in a long line, I remembered that I needed tea so I went back to get the damn tea. I got back to the self check out line and realized that I was 11 cents short. 11 cents short, that should be my new nick name, if I was a rapper that would be my name. Here comes a new beat from 11 cents short. So I did what any decent broke person would do, I went and got a smaller size cereal box and got into the line for the 3rd damn time.

What was interesting was this woman in line in front of me the first time I got in the line up. She had on a pair of pants that I am very sure were banned in the Eastern hemisphere. She was no small woman, the pants were tapered beyond comprehension and droopy in the bottom region. It was the color that made me envy the ones who are color blind. Florescent Green after 700 washes and the occasional dye mixing later, made me think of Peptobismol mixed with green shit. Very scary to think that people can put something like that on and walk out of their home as though they didn’t commit a crime so hideous. Her pants would make MC Hammer weep with jealousy, imagine how much better his dance would have been if he could get his pants to be as tapered as hers.

I was mesmerized by her choice of clothing and driven into a deep trance. I was pulled into a world where pinkish green shit was floating everywhere and big buffont hair is the norm. I saw little floating 10 eyed creatures staring back at me, wanting to communicate but they have no mouths to speak through. I can hear “Can’t touch this” in the background as my little 10 eyed friends did the Hammer dance. Is there No end to this madness?

S.O.S for the love of God

Did I say too old to be a Balla?

•December 30, 2007 • Leave a Comment

Women’s Varsity Basketball Team, 1919. Women’s basketball has a long and distinguished history at OSU dating back to the last years of the nineteenth century. [OSU Archives: Harriet’s Collection #32]

I keep thinkin’, I must be out of my mind wanting to play ball after all these years. I’m insane, I just know it. But what do you do when you can’t get the sound of sneakers on the court out of your head? The feel of the ball as you go for a tight jumper with someone wanting to embarrass you in front of every one. Someone wanting to stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey. I’m almost thirty, and can’t stop dreamin’ about playin’ ball for a university. So I figured, it is time. I am gonna do it. I am gonna play ball whether the universe likes it or not. I have my 2 year goal. I will make it onto a team and I will play. It’s my dream and I can’t avoid it anymore.

So here we go. Now all I have to do is, Lose 75 lbs, gain back my stamina and endurance, find a ball trainer to get my team play goin’ then I will be set to try out. By the time I get to try out, I will be 13 years older then the average freshman. I will have to beat those poor children to the ground to get my chance at this. I was saddled with familial responsibilities at a time when I could have been a freshman and rookie when I was 17. I am ready now to take it all back.

Now if I could get some pointers from T-Spoon or maybe Ms. Woodard, I may be able to really live it all up but I will run with what I have.

I wonder if I should wear the uniform from 1919 to my first home game. Talk about standing out in a game. Not so much outstanding.

Until next time